woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
