it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
