I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
