Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
