I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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