THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We left the knife in your bed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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