Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
