I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
