My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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