their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
