Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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