I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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