just come out here and I will go home with you...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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