God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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