i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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