dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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