I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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