I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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