If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
