That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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