you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
