her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
