so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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