Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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