So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
