Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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