You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
