I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
