So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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