so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
