Little spoons don't ask big questions
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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