about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
