I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
