I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
