The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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