I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
