Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
