You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
