Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
