My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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