when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
