video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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