Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
kristin has been a bad kristin
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
