rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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