my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
