Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
