she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
