i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
