This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
