Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
