If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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